Coming Home to the Self: From Awakening to Wholeness

3/31/2008
Greetings!

This is an article I recently had published in the Journey Magazine. I thought you might enjoy it too!

“In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond; And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring. Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.” Kahlil Gabran, The Prophet

Recently, someone asked me what I meant when I said I’d gone through a Spiritual Awakening. As I looked back and remembered all that happened during that time of my life, I was awed to see all the evidence of God’s hand working directly to shape my life path.

My experience began when I stated to a friend that I wanted God to be more central in my life. Within three months, my entire life had changed. My marriage ended and I found myself a single mother on my own. During this crisis in my life, my Spiritual Awakening occurred.

The first moment of this new awareness came while sitting and looking out the window. I can still feel the loving energy rolling over me and the intense green outside my window. It was an amazingly blissful experience and from that point on I was suddenly more aware of everything. I could feel other people’s emotions and physical symptoms. I knew when someone was thinking of me and if they were going to call.

I saw signs everywhere. A red fox came up to me in the Maine woods and stayed with me for half an hour. Hawks flew so close I could have reached up and touched them. Butterflies landed on me. Hummingbirds hovered so near to me that I could see their hearts beating. Nature was speaking to me and nurturing me. I spent hours in the woods, immersing myself in nature… sliding down muddy hills, walking barefoot through streams, gazing at the leaves above and getting lost in the blue of the sky.

Spirit guided me. People came out of the woodwork in the most unexpected places to hand me a book or give me a message which provided the answer I was seeking. I saw the full moon every month for a year, consistently being woken out of a dead sleep in the middle of the night, even when cloudy, to experience it shining down on me. I filled thirteen journals with all the insights and amazing coincidences that kept happening to me at every turn.

I had moments of indescribable bliss…when I felt so connected to everyone and everything and knew that all I had to do was love and that I was free and safe! I also had times when I fell back out of this awareness and experienced great pain and the fear of separation. The disorientation was intense as I moved between my two realities and tried to survive the death of one life and the birth of another.

This spring will mark eight years since my Spiritual Awakening. Since then I have traveled far in my understanding of myself and of the world of Spirit. I’ve learned about my soul and come back home to myself. I’ve discovered that my body isn’t a place to leave but instead of source of safety and wisdom not available from any other source. I’ve learned how to hear God and my spiritual family so clearly that it is as if they are sitting beside me (or within me). I’ve been shown visions and metaphors that speak of the Divine Spirit within all of us. I’ve learned how to put my own needs first and to honor the truth of who I am instead of trying to be someone I’m not.

I’ve also learned that this journey is not without struggle. I had to travel to uncover the depths of my soul, learn that which is mine to share, and then bring it back to the world of the flesh. It is truly a “Hero’s Journey” filled with dragons to slay, moats to swim, and fair maidens to rescue (all of which turned out to be aspects of myself). And then I came home only to begin the struggle to share the wisdom I’d entered this lifetime to teach.

Having walked this path without a manual or map, I offer you a few bits of wisdom to smooth the path of your journey within and back home.

Our bodies are instruments tuned to the Divine. Listen to it, feel it. If it feels unwell or afraid, then STOP. Honor what you are experiencing. When the body feels peace, move forward. When it feels fear, stop and listen. Always chose to honor what it tells you. Never “override” its inherent wisdom.

Ask for help. Ask God, ask the angels, ask your loved ones, ask Lightworkers who offer their gifts to ease your passage. Then watch for the answers to your prayers…in books, music, a passing comment, a doe in a quiet forest, a windswept field…these are all messages for you…listen to them.

Love! Remember this: It is not in receiving that we find joy and safety, it is in loving. Maintain your boundaries with others in the outer world, but love unconditionally within. Love yourself unconditionally as well. Loving brings joy and the choice to love is always in your hands. No one can take away from you the ability to love, and in remembering that you will always be free.

Have faith, not only in God but in yourself. Each time you chose to honor your truth, to put your needs first and refuse to sacrifice them for any reason, you build a resource within that can’t be shaken. When you can trust yourself to take care of YOU, you will find a peace unlike anything you’ve experienced…and in that space you will know without any doubt that Spirit is guiding you and that you are never alone.

May your journey be blessed with amazing wonders and profound peace!